I was scrolling through my timeline on Facebook when I came across a post. This post was by a man who claimed to have being raped by his then girlfriend. As I read on the graphic details I was immediately giggling at the ridiculousness of what I was reading. ''How can a man be raped by a woman?'' I asked myself. I proceeded to finding out more about female-on-male rape and I was astounded by how much I found. Apparently, I owe that man an apology.When the word ''rape'' is used, traditionally, the mind begins to arrange and play out a certain stereotypical scenery; where you have a male(usually the perpetrator) and a woman(usually the victim, and sometimes also seen as the instigator). The male-on-male rape instances have also creeped in into our socio-cultural definitions because of increasing acceptance of homosexuality across different cultures(It's been officially legalized in many western countries). So its only rational to think there would be people(gays) who find other people of the same sex attractive and thus exploit their weakness and take advantage of them sexually. But to include a female-on-male rape into the same category provokes responses the victim(s) may find stigmatizing. And rightly so, why? Because female-on-male rape is under-reported. So the general perception is: a man can't be raped by a woman!
People often ask: How is that even possible? How does he attain an erection under duress? Does he just lay there and do nothing while the lady is on top of him? Truth is, it can happen just like that! Victims who have recounted their experiences admit to being ''powerless'' against sexual assaults by females. They also admit to have little or no control as to what happens during the act. The woman is the dominant character here! What could induce this kind of powerlessness you may ask? Studies have shown alcohol, drugs, stress, fear and/or a sub-built stature play major roles. Some victims have admitted to being threatened into it and/or bound against a bed post or structures strong enough not to allow them wriggle free.
What about the erection? Shouldn't they first be aroused? Simple answer: no. A man doesn't have to be aroused before he can have an erection. According to an article written by Roy J. Levin and Willy Van Berlo at the Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine, slight genital stimulation or stress can create erections ''even though no specific sexual stimulation is present.'' ''An erection does not mean that the man consent to sex. Males can get erections even in traumatic or painful sexual situations, and this does not also indicate consent.'' Male erectile response is involuntary, meaning that a man need not be aroused for his penis to be come erect; mechanical stimulation is all that is necessary. Arousal and stimulation are not the same thing. Stimulation is a PHYSICAL RESPONSE to stimulus, while arousal is a response to ''excitement.'' Men can be intimidated into an erection, especially if the person is older or an authority.
Even with these facts people still struggle with the absurdity of a female-on-male rape, branding the victims(males) as ''weaklings'', ''not men enough'', ''girls'' and ''disappointments'', thus forcing them to not report the crime, remain reclusive and battle with the physcial, emotional and psychological effects of their experience which could range from depression to suicide. And what does the law say about rape in general and how does it view female-on-male rape?
According to Section 357 of the Criminal Code, CAP 77, LFN 1990 defines Rape as ''Any person who unlawfully possesses carnal knowledge of a woman or a girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of false threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false or fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, or in case of a married woman, by impersonating her husband is guilty of an offence called rape''From the above definition of rape its obvious there's no thought spared for a scenario where a man is the victim, whose carnal knowledge is being possessed unlawfully. Every attention is centered on the female while the man, by default, is seen as the perpetrator. Gender roles portray the man as the stronger of both sexes and thus only rational to accept he possesses the ''might'' to carry out such a heinous act. Guess a review of our laws are needed.
So to answer the question: can a man be raped by a woman? a big fat yes! But don't expect anyone to walk up to you and admit it. Just like any rape event, victims are traumatized. And they are also plagued by social stigma and disbelief in their victimization. It is noted by Dr. Maeve Eogan (Medical director of the Sexual Assault Treatment Unit (SATU) of Rotunda Hospital) and Ms. Richardson (Sexual Assault Forensic Examiner) that male victims tend to feel more intense anger than female victims, while both go through similar feelings of distress after the rape. Frazier (1993) studied 74 male and 1,380 female rape victims. She found that the depression and hostility are more profound on male victims immediately post-rape than female victims.
In conclusion, the male is just as much sexually assaulted as the females. Though not as prevalent(not helped by the lack of reporting), still it is an accepted reality. And just the way the female gender is being protected by law, the male should be given judicial protection too. I have a female friend who usually jokes about raping me whenever we're playfully throwing punches, maybe I should start taking her seriously.
Below is an detailed account of a female-on-male rape, you'd find others here.
“I must have said no a thousand times.”
Being raped by a woman isn’t cool and you aren’t “lucky”.
When I was 21 I was raped by the girl who was my girlfriend at the time. … The worst day of my life was when she decided to tie me up. She told me all the dirty things she was going to do to me while she kissed my neck and whispered into my ear as she tied my arms and legs down to the bed. Everything she said she was going to do was normal to me (suck me, ride me) so I let her tie me up. After I was tied up she asked me to try to break free and offered a reward to me if I could. She said she would be back and if I wasn’t free then I would miss out on the reward.
She came back and stood at the door and stared at me. She then told me how I wasn’t going to be rewarded because I couldn’t get out. She then told me she was going to punish me. Long story short, she ended up sodomizing me with her vibrator. I must have said no a thousand times. I was crying and begging her to stop which in hindsight probably made it worse. I was anally fucked, then she tried to ride me but I couldn’t even get up. I was so broken emotionally and in pain physically. She then got very mad that I couldn’t get it up which was never a problem. I was beaten for a while. Then the vibrator again while being hit. It lasted about 6 or 7 hours but felt like it was a dozen. For a while she just left it in me while she went in the other room to watch TV.
It was mid day when she tied me up and had been dark for a few hours after it was over. I ended up falling asleep tied up. I think I just passed out more from exhaustion of trying to break free/get her to stop. I woke up and I was untied in bed by myself. …
I ended up calling the police, which was the best decision I had ever made. The second I called them she calmed down and started to behave. They got there pretty quickly. Of course once they were there she played the damsel in distress and claimed that I was beating her up and choking her, etc. I told the cop everything that happened, which was embarrassing but worth it. They arrested her and she was jailed. … I had the option to press charges but ended up choosing not to after consulting with my lawyer.
Being raped has ruined my life for the time being.
