Can Women Rape Men?

I was scrolling through my timeline on Facebook when I came across a post. This post was by a man who claimed to have being raped by his then girlfriend. As I read on the graphic details I was immediately giggling at the ridiculousness of what I was reading. ''How can a man be raped by a woman?'' I asked myself. I proceeded to finding out more about female-on-male rape and I was astounded by how much I found. Apparently, I owe that man an apology.




When the word ''rape'' is used, traditionally, the mind begins to arrange and play out a certain stereotypical scenery; where you have a male(usually the perpetrator) and a woman(usually the victim, and sometimes also seen as the instigator). The male-on-male rape instances have also creeped in into our socio-cultural definitions because of increasing acceptance of homosexuality across different cultures(It's been officially legalized in many western countries). So its only rational to think there would be people(gays) who find other people of the same sex attractive and thus exploit their weakness and take advantage of them sexually. But to include a female-on-male rape into the same category provokes responses the victim(s) may find stigmatizing. And rightly so, why? Because female-on-male rape is under-reported. So the general perception is: a man can't be raped by a woman!

 

People often ask: How is that even possible? How does he attain an erection under duress? Does he just lay there and do nothing while the lady is on top of him? Truth is, it can happen just like that! Victims who have recounted their experiences admit to being ''powerless'' against sexual assaults by females. They also admit to have little or no control as to what happens during the act. The woman is the dominant character here! What could induce this kind of powerlessness you may ask? Studies have shown alcohol, drugs, stress, fear and/or a sub-built stature play major roles. Some victims have admitted to being threatened into it and/or bound against a bed post or structures strong enough not to allow them wriggle free.

What about the erection? Shouldn't they first be aroused? Simple answer: no. A man doesn't have to be aroused before he can have an erection.  According to an article written by Roy J. Levin and Willy Van Berlo at the Journal of Clinical Forensic Medicine, slight genital stimulation or stress can create erections ''even though no specific sexual stimulation is present.'' ''An erection does not mean that the man consent to sex. Males can get erections even in traumatic or painful sexual situations, and this does not also indicate consent.'' Male erectile response is involuntary, meaning that a man need not be aroused for his penis to be come erect; mechanical stimulation is all that is necessary. Arousal and stimulation are not the same thing. Stimulation is a PHYSICAL RESPONSE to stimulus, while arousal is a response to ''excitement.'' Men can be intimidated into an erection, especially if the person is older or an authority.
 
Even with these facts people still struggle with the absurdity of a female-on-male rape, branding the victims(males) as ''weaklings'', ''not men enough'', ''girls'' and ''disappointments'', thus forcing them to not report the crime, remain reclusive and battle with the physcial, emotional and psychological effects of their experience which could range from depression to suicide. And what does the law say about rape in general and how does it view female-on-male rape?

According to Section 357 of the Criminal Code, CAP 77, LFN 1990 defines Rape as ''Any person who unlawfully possesses carnal knowledge of a woman or a girl, without her consent, or with her consent, if the consent is obtained by force or by means of false threats or intimidation of any kind, or by fear of harm, or by means of false or fraudulent representation as to the nature of the act, or in case of a married woman, by impersonating her husband is guilty of an offence called rape''

From the above definition of rape its obvious there's no thought spared for a scenario where a man is the victim, whose carnal knowledge is being possessed unlawfully. Every attention is centered on the female while the man, by default, is seen as the perpetrator. Gender roles portray the man as the stronger of both sexes and thus only rational to accept he possesses the ''might'' to carry out such a heinous act. Guess a review of our laws are needed.

So to answer the question: can a man be raped by a woman? a big fat yes! But don't expect anyone to walk up to you and admit it. Just like any rape event, victims are traumatized. And they are also plagued by social stigma and disbelief in their victimization. It is noted by Dr. Maeve Eogan (Medical director of the Sexual Assault Treatment Unit (SATU) of Rotunda Hospital) and Ms. Richardson (Sexual Assault Forensic Examiner) that male victims tend to feel more intense anger than female victims, while both go through similar feelings of distress after the rape. Frazier (1993) studied 74 male and 1,380 female rape victims. She found that the depression and hostility are more profound on male victims immediately post-rape than female victims.

In conclusion, the male is just as much sexually assaulted as the females. Though not as prevalent(not helped by the lack of reporting), still it is an accepted reality. And just the way the female gender is being protected by law, the male should be given judicial protection too. I have a female friend who usually jokes about raping me whenever we're playfully throwing punches, maybe I should start taking her seriously.



Below is an detailed account of a female-on-male rape, you'd find others here.

 “I must have said no a thousand times.”

Being raped by a woman isn’t cool and you aren’t “lucky”.

When I was 21 I was raped by the girl who was my girlfriend at the time. … The worst day of my life was when she decided to tie me up. She told me all the dirty things she was going to do to me while she kissed my neck and whispered into my ear as she tied my arms and legs down to the bed. Everything she said she was going to do was normal to me (suck me, ride me) so I let her tie me up. After I was tied up she asked me to try to break free and offered a reward to me if I could. She said she would be back and if I wasn’t free then I would miss out on the reward.

She came back and stood at the door and stared at me. She then told me how I wasn’t going to be rewarded because I couldn’t get out. She then told me she was going to punish me. Long story short, she ended up sodomizing me with her vibrator. I must have said no a thousand times. I was crying and begging her to stop which in hindsight probably made it worse. I was anally fucked, then she tried to ride me but I couldn’t even get up. I was so broken emotionally and in pain physically. She then got very mad that I couldn’t get it up which was never a problem. I was beaten for a while. Then the vibrator again while being hit. It lasted about 6 or 7 hours but felt like it was a dozen. For a while she just left it in me while she went in the other room to watch TV.

It was mid day when she tied me up and had been dark for a few hours after it was over. I ended up falling asleep tied up. I think I just passed out more from exhaustion of trying to break free/get her to stop. I woke up and I was untied in bed by myself. …

I ended up calling the police, which was the best decision I had ever made. The second I called them she calmed down and started to behave. They got there pretty quickly. Of course once they were there she played the damsel in distress and claimed that I was beating her up and choking her, etc. I told the cop everything that happened, which was embarrassing but worth it. They arrested her and she was jailed. … I had the option to press charges but ended up choosing not to after consulting with my lawyer.

Being raped has ruined my life for the time being.

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CHILD ABUSE: PRISON OR DEATH?

''I just want him to die in prison because of what he did to me''.

Those were the words of an 8-year old girl from Southern Nigerian who was
sexually abused numerous times by Larry, her neighbour. She is currently battling
infections in a recent case of sexual abuse. Child sexual abuse is a form of child
abuse in which an adult or older adolescent uses a child for sexual stimulation or
activity.




Child sexual abuse has become one of the major health and human right
challenges in Nigeria. Cases of child sexual abuse have increased drastically over
the years. The National Demographic and Health Survey observed that cases of
sexual abuse reported to law enforcement agencies in Nigeria are far less than
the unreported cases. In 2013, the News Agency of Nigeria reported that over
1,200 girls were raped in Cross River and most of them were underage. Lagos has
reported 12,200 cases of rape in the last 3 years, minors being the major victims.
Reports also show that only a few cases of rape receive diligent prosecution.

Child sexual abuse, one of the ravages of society, has numerous and often fatal
consequences on the victims as the victims could be very young (Lagos State
Police recently indicted a man for the rape of his two daughters, aged 4 and 6).
Some of these children are exposed to sexually transmitted disease such as
HIV/AIDS (In July 2015, a retired soldier was found guilty of raping his 10-year old
stepdaughter and infecting her with HIV). Also, childhood sexual abuse has led to
cases of depression, self-blame, eating disorders, anxiety, dissociative behaviours,
repression, denial, and destructive sexual and relational behaviours.
Post-traumatic stress disorder has also been reported. Visiting a therapist should
be the second step in treating a child who has been sexually abused, but
therapists seem to be lacking in Nigeria.


On June 3rd, 2015, the Nigerian Senate approved life sentences for rape of
children aged 11 or less. This raised outcry from respectable members of the
public who insinuated that the age should be 18 years and not 11 years. The point
is we all know how the Nigeria legal system is, and that these sentences are not really carried out.
In Lagos, 3,083 sex offenders were asked to engage in community service as a form of punishment in an attempt to decongest the prison environment. This can only be described as a travesty of justice. The life sentence imposed on offenders seems not to be stringent enough as the cases of child sex abuse have failed to drop but have, rather, risen in the past few months. The violation of an underage child is a monstrous and murderous act and should be treated as such. These children are supposedly the leaders of tomorrow and yet the state cannot provide adequate security, or appropriate punishment.
 
In 2009, Rachael (not her real name), aged 11, was gang-raped by two of her neighbours and left unconscious. The case was tried in the court and the men were imprisoned. It was a hellish time for her and her family as she spent weeks in the hospital trying to recover. The worst happened when her doctor announced to her mother that she would never be able to have children or even engage in intercourse without immense pain. For two years, she constantly had nightmares and suffered from severe insomnia. It was a time she wanted to forget forever. Despite all these pains, she was able to reasonably rise above it all and lead a normal live, finally ready to put the past behind her. That was until October 2014. As she was walking through the streets of her neighbourhood, she saw him; one of the men who had raped her. Instead of remorse or regret, what was etched on his face as she walked by him was a smile of mockery. Since then, her nightmares have returned, and the fact that the people who ruined her life are walking the streets hurts her every time she thinks about it. I wasn’t shocked when she said she wished the police had killed them instead; not necessarily because of what they did to her, for she probably would have forgiven them with time, but for the countless young girls out there who are at risk.

''I think the wilfully unimaginative see more monsters. They are often more afraid. What is more, those who choose not to empathise enable real monsters. For without ever committing an act of outright evil ourselves, we collude with it, through our own apathy.” – J. K. Rowling

Those are the immortal words of one of the most beautiful minds to ever walk the earth. Anyone with a soul should not find it difficult to relate to the adversities of these young girls. The fact that even inmates ostracize child molesters in prison goes a long way to show how obscene this act of violence really is. For this reason and many more, I, Samuel O. Okotie, would like to propose the death penalty for all those found guilty of child sexual abuse. Only when drastic measures are taken, can one expect to have drastic changes. The case of child sexual abuse will continue to increase in Nigeria unless the legislature sits now and make a choice; prison or death. For me I’ll choose death for them because they deserve it.

Author: Samuel O. Okotie for Eric Mbogu's Blog.

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