Domesticities: The Art Of Being Domesticated

Oh the joy of womanhood; except it is not my joy. At present I am in that little corner of my room, where I always go to indulge my literary fancies  especially with choice author Jane Austen and her ever romantic plots; when 'mammy' walks in, takes a glance over through the length and breath of my room before fixing her fierce gaze on the human huddled in one corner with a book on her lap.

Immediately I scrambled up, discarded my book for the time being and with as much seriousness as I had attended Jane Austen, I now applied in putting things in place; instantly the clothes disappeared from the bed and appeared in the wardrobe, books stood, neatly packed in book cases and the make up I had toiled with all afternoon had to be kept in place. But as soon as I heard the door close, I let the bedspread already in mid air drop from my hand and very quietly I continued my Jane Austen.
It has always been like this, especially the weekends when 'mammy' comes home from her station. The announcement would ring like a bell in our house 'mummy is coming today o!' And as if on cue, we all leave whatever it is we are occupied with and instead concern ourselves with the appearance and state of the house . It is not unusual to catch me in the act of surveying a room time and time again, intensely making note of what is and what is not in place, what needed to be removed and what should be put back from wherever it was removed from, all for 'mammy's grand entrance. If not, prepare yourself for a tirade of lectures on the duties of a woman, and the ever occurring phrase "like it or not , you would be a wife and a mother soon".
In all honesty that 'wife' word scares me. Believe me dudes and dudettes when I say I love marriage, everybody does and yes I do talk about it for hours with girlfriends and of course I have my dream wedding on ink, but the thing is, that domestic aspect intimidates me. I do my things with patience (my time and my pace). I hate waking up 5a.m; I am in a lustful romance with my bed (say what you like), I don't fancy the obligation of constantly visiting the kitchen to prepare meals, hey I can eat once a day or feast on snacks, as long as I avoid that kitchen as much as possible. Must we eat three times a day sef, wetin?
And then I already have a time washing my basket of dirty clothes only for him to add his own and those of the small chickele  pikins.
Now tell me that load of office shirts is not for my ironing pleasure?
Laugh out loud, forget the things I say I know the truth and I can't run from it, and as 'mammy' is fond of saying 'you should have told God to create you as a man'. So look left, look right, turn around and sit down, domesticites is the joy of womanhood.

Author: Ebare Ebose for Eric Mbogu's Blog. 

Leave your thoughts at the comment section. 

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Inferiority Complex: The Experience. The Battle. The Victory

Inferiority complex can be described as a general lack of self worth, a doubt and uncertainty. It can also be viewed as a feeling of not measuring up to standards. Inferiority complex can be a damaging feeling. Its that self demeaning feeling which stems from a low self esteem. It makes you have a lack of confidence; seeing challenges as too big for your strengths and success as too far from your reach.

During my early days in the university I battled with inferiority complex. And that continued up until my 3rd year. It wasn't exactly a fun time for me cause I would ''cave'' most of the time. And that was a stark contrast to who I really was as an individual - an extrovert. Coming from secondary school I had a blooming time; I would always finished amongst the top 3 in class. When results were announced I would line up with other scholars and a resounding round of applause followed from other students. It was a huge boost as far as confidence was concerned. It made my cheek pump with pride.

But when I got admitted into the university it was a different league entirely. I faced new challenges which overwhelmed me - clearly I wasn't ready for what faced me. While that already posed a big problem there was an even bigger problem - I couldn't step up to overcome these challenges. Before now I grew a certain dependency on someone to guide me. Someone I trusted would forever lead me on in wisdom. And because she too had attended the same school and I felt really confident I would overcome eventually. But lo and behold she disappeared. She wasn't as involved in my life anymore. She was no longer there for me to draw inspiration from. Subsequently my confidence started to take a downturn and that affected everything.


It got so bad I ''feared'' being around my own friends. At the time, I didn't think I deserved to be in their midst. This feeling of lack of self worth also creeped into my academics. First of, I hated my course of study. So much so I didn't attend classes 60% of the time. My grades? As poor as you'd expect. My relationship with classmates was also very poor. Simply put, I didn't like talking to them. It also affected my relationship with the opposite sex.

All of these are what a low self image can promote.  There are other cases of depression, and even death! Luckily it didn't result to that and was able to regain my confidence(more than 100 fold). Before I highlight how I overcame this, let me for the record state that I had friends. Friends who were really good to me. But in my heart I was troubled, weak and my soul lingered, and was in desperate need of identity and belonging. I wasn't communicating with anyone. All I did was just smiled and moved with the crowd.

                
                            How I Overcame Low Self esteem/Inferiority Complex

 First, I believed in two things - the power of God and the power of my will. I had an encounter in my second year which helped shaped me - I got connected to God. Gradually He taught me how to stand tall and tell myself I wasn't defined by my shortcomings. I would wake up every morning reminding myself of how much strength I had just because He lives. It wasn't easy given God wasn't like a being who could stand next to me and be like ''Hey, Eric, how're you doing?''. I had to trust in an entity I couldn't see or feel. That wasn't how I grew up but still He taught me how to. I also had to believe that I could do and achieve anything. Literally anything. And I started making progress gradually, attaining little achievements as I went on.

Second thing I did was to have a purpose and fueled my passion.

 Purpose is the reason you journey. Passion is the fire that lights your way                                                                  - Unknown.

Like I said, I hated my course of study. So I had to start learning new ways to appreciate it. I didn't just want to manage, I wanted to blossom extravagantly. So I started setting goals for myself - short and long term, and putting effort to bring them to fruition. I revisited my other passions(music and writing) and started making strides. Trust me, it wasn't a smooth transition, I still failed at times, but my desire to be better was a strong enough pull to allow me persevere and attain success.

Last thing I did was build healthy relationships with the people around me. That broke my wall and I was able to communicate with people better. I opened up to a few persons in my circle about my struggles and I was able to get support and encouragement. I finally had ''friends'' in my class and the air was more harmonious.  Grades went up drastically and my confidence returned; was even better! There have been increased levels of consistency ever since. 

Inferiority complex can be a big mess in your life if you allow it to continue. Overcoming it starts first with believing, then effort and finally consistency. It has to be a conscious decision not to be overwhelmed by challenges, regardless of what they are, cause at the end of the day it is your life and you get defined by the amount of battles you fight, learn from and win. Also, don't make the mistake of depending on people for your strength, you have more than enough in you. The sooner you start sapping from it, the sooner you will overcome and the sooner your dream starts becoming a reality

When you develop yourself to the point where the belief in yourself is so strong that you know you can accomplish anything you put your mind to, your future will be unlimited.                                                                                                                                                                                  - Brian Tracy

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Endless Love: Confessions Of A Lost Heart.

 As peaceful as the well
As wild as the ocean
I couldn't find my way to you
Or remember my location 

 

I stared into space looking for you
But couldn't find my way through
The force field around kept dragging me back
Like coming towards you would be an attack 

Time flies but love doesn't
Science can create robots but not the human heart
My body has given up but my soul persists
It's ready to guard the love with its might.

The endless days
The sleepless night
Was one I could use
To describe my fright

Hopefully waiting to see you again
Was all I could do
Nothing could heal my pain
Except seeing you 

Watching the light and darkness
At the passing of each day
My soul was filled with sadness
It wasn't ready to come out to play

When finally I saw you
My heart became strong
Because you had no clue
The pain you prolonged

Finally we had our moment
And love was released everywhere
Together looking at the sunset
Was what we always did anywhere.

Flying in the air
Was an understatement of how I felt
The love we both share
Was what life truly meant

In the end we lay together
And make our love grow
We overcame the storm and weather
And love was all we had left to show. 

Special thanks to my friend and the author: Maureen Omorogieva for permitting me to use this beautiful poem on my blog.

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What Does True Love Look Like?

Love is usually thought of as a complex concept filled with complications, uncertainties, risks and needless commitments. Sometimes it's even portrayed as a job with emotional obligations. But do you think we are missing the point? 

True love is in the simplest of pleasures. It's about spending time together, building connections and staying connected. It's in the appreciations, the show of affection, the beauty of life expressed in your emotions and actions. 

Below is a series of images created by illustrator Nidhi Chanani showcasing what true love really looks like. Enjoy!

 

 

 

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5 Important Things Nobody Told You About Marriage

You probably asked for whatever advice you could find when you got married. Here are five important things from a marriage counselor that nobody told you when you got married. 

 When you were younger, you looked around and saw all the happy couples around you. You probably had a few in your mind that you wanted to be like when you grew up, too. So when you were engaged, you did your homework and asked others what it takes to make a happy marriage. You probably read books and talked to your parents. They shared advice and words of wisdom, but there were a few things that nobody told you. If only you had a friend that could fill you in. Well, as a marriage counselor in Denver, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

1. It’s not your spouse’s job to give you "Happily Ever After."

In the fairy tales, the prince fights dragons and witches for a woman he doesn’t even know just so he can be her hero and bring her a "happily ever after" ending. In real life, it’s unrealistic to expect your spouse to be everything you need to provide you a "happily ever after." "Happily ever after" happens when both of you work together to meet each other's emotional needs. They want to work to meet your needs because you’re also working to meet theirs. And you’re working to give each other a "happily ever after."

2. Marriage is the most rewarding thing, but also the most difficult

When things are going well in your marriage, you’re as happy as you think you could be. But when things aren’t going well, your relationship becomes bland and stale, and you fight. You’re almost miserable.

3. Your happiness in your marriage is your responsibility

Sure, in a marriage your spouse is supposed to be loving and caring. But that doesn’t mean it’s up to them to make you happy. Your happiness is up to you. If you’re not happy in life or your relationship, you ultimately have the responsibility to fix it.

4. Children are the most rewarding thing

A stranger once told me “If I didn’t have kids I would have retired as a millionaire years ago... but I’d rather have the kids.” Nobody can really explain the absolute joy and love you feel as a parent — until you become one.

5. Your spouse will change, they’re supposed to

Everybody gets married with the worry that their spouse will change into someone they don’t like. The truth is that your spouse absolutely will change. They’re supposed to, actually. It’s part of the circle of life. When you’re 50, you don’t like the same things you did when you were 20. And you (hopefully) don’t act the same as you did when you were 20. The point is to continue getting to know your spouse through all the changing that you’re both experiencing. In this way, you stay in love with each other even though you’re both different people than when you met.

Knowing these things can help you and your spouse work together on goals in your relationship that will create happiness for both of you. It will also help you both avoid misunderstandings of what your relationship is supposed to be that actually create difficulties.

- Aaron Anderson (therapist and Director of The Marriage and Family Clinic) 

  Website: http://www.TheMarriageandFamilyClinic.com

  This article was originally featured on familyshare.  

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Conspiracy Theory: Was Mars Inhabited In The Past?

Since we got exposed to the TV screen we've been led to believe a whole lot of stories about extra terrestrial life. From the depictions of ugly-looking big eyed monsters to individuals with super strength, super speed, invisibility, telekinesis etc. Fast forward decades and multitudes of technological advancement later, fact and fiction are getting new definitions.

There is a huge theory that life may have existed(or still exist) on Mars. And it had images from NASA to prove this theory. According to the author, NASA's Curiosity Rover(The craft sent to Mars from earth to explore the planet) made ''incredible discoveries'' about Mars. These discoveries even prompted researchers to make presumptions that Mars was blooming once with civilization but had a sad end.

Now here's why...

One of the findings made on Mars by the NASA's Curiosity Rover was Methane gas. Lots of it. Interestingly, 90% of  Methane gas in the atmosphere of Earth is produced by living organisms. And the Curiosity Rover measured surges of Methane gas in the atmosphere of Mars, leading to the puzzling question: are living organisms responsible for the methane gas on Mars? Researchers say the sources of the methane are unknown but noticed they've spiked in recent years!

NASA Curiosity Rover on Mars.

Methane gas emission has surged in recent years.

Another important find is Water.
Through the combined works of scientists from Europe and America, it has been confirmed that Mars had a huge ocean.

''Our study provides a solid estimate of how much water Mars once had, by determining how much water was lost to space'' said Geronimo Villanueva, a scientist at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center and lead author of the paper.

Mars densed with large amounts of water.

Researchers calculated the amount of liquid water that Mars once had by spending six(6) years to map out the amount of ''heavy water'' in the current atmosphere of Mars.

According to scientists at the University of Utrecht, Netherlands, they believed water flowed on Mars a million years ago, which is sooner than previously thought. And they are not ruling out the possibility of the water coming back again.

So, there is Methane and there is Water. What next? Well sit tight.

Introducing... Xenon-129
Xenon is a radioactive gaseous chemical element used in flash lamps. Scientists have found very large traces of Xenon-129 (a type/isotope of Xenon). Why is this a big deal? Because the only process known to produce Xenon-129 is a nuclear explosion!!! The mass/size of the Xenon found on Mars is nearly identical to Earth's.

Xenon: Mars vs. Earth.

This is one of the main factors researchers like Dr. John E. Brandenburg suggest that Mars once had a developed civilization in the distant past but ultimately had a disastrous ending! He claims the Martians were annihilated by another alien race! Other radioactive substances found (for example Uranium, Thorium and radioactive potassium) appear to support his theory.

Further more, Dr. Brandenburg, while explaining evidences for his theory, claimed that the nuclear explosion occurred at 2 places on Mars - Cydonia Mensa and Galaxios Chaos.

Other interesting findings were also made by the NASA Curiosity Rover through photographed images.

    
                                          A Pyramid

This Pyramid(pictured left) was photographed by the Curiosity Rover(pictured right) during its exploration of the Red planet.

There have been speculations that this artifact may actually be the cornerstone to a much larger pyramid buried deep under the Martian sand. It is believed this pyramid was artificially created.


A ''Structure'' that appears to be artificially made, according to UFOlogists.

                           Helmet on Mars?

                           A being-like Statue

                                A Martian Crab?

Evidences like these blow the mind wide open. Presumptions are rife. While these findings culminate into mind puzzling questions such as if Mars was inhabited in the past? What led to its extinction? Who was responsible? Will Earth meet the same fate as Mars?, It has also provoked satirical responses. With some parts of the world claiming these are just ''over exaggeration of coincidences''. Also branding it ''Pareidolia''(Imagined perception of a thing or meaning that does not actually exist).




So what are your thoughts? Are you a believer or not? Do you think this is a breakthrough that shines more light and understanding on our twin planet or do you think someone has been watching too much Star Trek? Whatever your thoughts are, leave them in the comment section.

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I PLEDGE TO NIGERIA MY PEOPLE

                                  

I pledge to Nigeria my country
To be faithful, loyal and honest
To serve Nigeria with all my strength
To defend her unity
And uphold her honor and glory
So help me God.

Those words. Every Nigerian school kid grew up saying those words. We came of age with the ideology and belief that “the country Nigeria” failed us and at such we were not bound to uphold her doctrines or give her anything. Patriotism meant nothing to us.

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